spring & co.

I just found out that I could've gone to the rainbow brunch today because I was indeed invited. damn. and because I didn't think I would be, I checked the relevant email adress too late, namely now, and the brunch is over at 3, me having to be at work by 2. which makes it impossible to go :( and the weather would be so perfect! sunshiney day. plus I'm reliving coming out feelings again, because it only has been a year so far and I used to listen to the "all that we let in"-album a lot! haven't done that in ages but put it on again now. so it feels like springtime and like CO time and that just makes for a weird everything's-just-starting-feeling...

Dark clouds are comin' like an army
Soon the sky will open up and disarm me
You will go just like you've gone before
One sad soldier off to war, enemies that only you can see.
Dishes stacked, the table cleared
It's always like the scene of the last supper here
You speak so cryptically that's not news to me
The flood is here it will carry you
And I've got work to do.

Come on home, the team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
But it's just the forces of your past you've fought before
Come back here and shut the door
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

There is fire there is lust
Some will trade it all for someone they could trust
There's a bag of silver for a box of nails
It's so simple the betrayal
Though it's known to change the world and what's to come.

Just come on home, the team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
But it's just the forces of your past you've fought before
Don't you recognize them anymore
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

There's the given and the expected
I count my blessings while I eye what I've neglected
Is this for better is this for worse
You're all jammed up and the dam's about to burst.
I hear the owl in the nightI realize that some things never are made right
By some will we string together here
Days to months and months to years
What if everything we have adds up to nothing.

Come on home, the team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
But it's just the forces of your past you've fought before
Come back here and shut the door
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

somehow I felt happier then. in a happy-go-lucky way. nothing of the frustration I'm experiencing now. melancholic, yes, but I felt, like my life was about to start. really start. as if in the last year I have experienced things and seen stuff that made my cynic and sarcastic. I deeply long for the innocence that surrounded me back then. the mindlessness and laughter. not worrying about money or uni, about cleaning up or the bunch of problems that comes with being human and having friends. I wanna dance through the night and walk home in a warm springtime morning with that feeling of being simply very content in my heart. I miss the sillyness of believing in love and its eternity, in its wonders and in sitting in a park, reading a book, watching people hurry past and being happy. instead I kick-started last august and ended up with university to worry about because it's very important to me and actually the one thing I always wanted to do. and with two freelancer jobs. and friends that have as little time for real fun as myself. and when there finally IS time, we're all just very knackered.

I miss springtime, the sounds that birds make, flowers blossoming, the feeling of things starting to begin...