August 11, 2004

why.. why?

I knew it. I should have known it. my happiness is over faster than it all began. she said she did have that warm fuzzy feeling on friday and sunday but it all passed away quickly and she's so sorry and she likes me a lot but she's just not in love blablabla... and here I am seriously hurting like hell, smoking like a motherfukcer and with the cardigans on full volume... I just can't handle this... I've been hurt badly and it took me 1.5 years to get over it. it was sooo hard to open up again, but I did and got dissapointed. and now emotionally I don't know if I'll ever be able to let myself in on love again... everything is cloudy and clear at the same time. I'm drunk - at least I was until we had that conversation in the car. and on the other hand I'm suddenly so sure to be totally gay because I fell for a woman harder than I ever fell for a man. only three days and I'm already "in love". s*hit s*hit s*hit it hurts so bad and I don't want to cry again. I don't want to go back there but it just opens up all the old scars. tears them open. never knew scars could bleed so badly....

and if I had one wish fulfilled tonight I'd ask for the sun to never rise

No comments: