June 12, 2007

ex-fest? WTF?

OK, I've had two serious boyfriends in my life and I haven't been in contact with either of them, but now both of them know I'm kinda gay. Now suddenly last week when finn and I were going to my mum's concert we ran into ex-boyfriend #1 at the tram station. OK, well that was bound to happen some time and also he had always suspected I was into women as well. We didn't have time to chat, but I wrote him an email that he didn't answer. so I guess that's that. But yesterday during my queer movie-marathon at the cinema ex-boyfriend #2 texted me. he had been looking through his adress book and wanted to know if I still had that number (he's one of those people who can't delete old numbers cuz it is fashionable for him to be able to show how many people he knows).

So after 4 hours of watching movies and being completely mushy in my brain I found it incredibly funny that while I was at a queer film festival of all places my male ex of all people (and he is THE ex) texts me randomly more than two years after his last attempt at talking to me went horribly wrong (we didn't have shit to say to each other, I have never finished a drink THAT fast just to get away). So finn said call him and went to get her bike, and in my weird mood I did. In my straightforwardness I asked him why he made contact again after we didn't really have anything to talk about last time. I asked him if he was still with the military and indeed he was. So the ahem... straightforward person I am... I accused him of being to much of a coward to leave the military to study history (which he always wanted to do but never dared to) and he said he had other reasons - namely family. turns out he's planning to marry his gf (a different now one since the last time I saw him, thank GOD!) in August after 1.5 years together and planning on a baby next year. I told him I'm kinda engaged too only the marriage part might be difficult... and I came out to him. which felt kinda weird. he didn't really react though, this guy was always really good at concealing his feelings, but I'm glad I did tell him. That was one of the things still left to do for my own sanity's sake. I guess I'm really over him by now, except you're never really "over" your first big love. Only very few people I know are. I think I just really needed to be able to tell him how happy I am now, that I have a life and a good one at that. I told him to call me and we'll go for a beer and he could meet my babe. Maybe we'll even find something to talk about. But probably the next time he's going to call will be when he's going through his adress book again to see who's still there with their old numbers...

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