December 20, 2007


this isn't a year in review kind of thing. it's rather a last-couple-of-weeks review kind of thing
I realised that I don't write anymore. My last poem must be about a zillion years old now, my last short story is even older and I'm not even going to think about the short film idea that is saved as an mp3 on my computer and still not turned into writing. My blog posts have been mainly on very real everyday stuff lately, and rarely introspective.

But the thing is that intro is a word that very well describes what I have been like lately. I realised that I have retreated a bit into myself. I've been taking refuge - in work mostly, but also in reading (I've finally taken to a John Irving book again and am hopelessly entangled in it). I have been watching tv but a lot less than I used to (I usually don't have shows from last week lined up).
It's good to be able to immerse myself in work. I like my work and it pays well. But I'm tired and I feel numb. Not because of work, but because of what I use it for. Maybe I'm taking flight to not thing about my grandfather's death and what it entails for me. But probably that's just one of so many thoughts I'm trying not to think.

The point is that I really do love what I'm doing here. I know that I'm good at what I'm doing and I can see how I'm learning and getting better every day. And while I don't know if and how I will be able to follow my (other) dream of becoming a filmmaker/editor - at the moment I feel at home here and very much so. However, in my private life I feel quite lost. I hope that come Christmas and some holidays that will change and I'll feel less drained in the new year.

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