this is goodbye

my beautiful dog has left the building, so to speak.
she died around noon today, peacefully thanks to a nice veterinarian who made her go to sleep.





I might be mad at my parents for not calling me until tonight, for not enabling me with a choice, to come and see her off and say goodbye, but deep down I know that all that matters is, that she went peacefully, surrounded by her family, or at least most of it - to be honest, since I moved out she didn't exactly consider me core family anymore, which is alright by me, because life changes and so does a dog's pack.

senta was a part of our lives for 13 years. she was the most fun dog I have ever met, goofy and opinionated. Even outspoken I'd say, at least she could get very very loud :) she always got whatever she wanted from my dad.

Now I'm sitting here, and I don't know where to put the sadness. it just keeps circling around in me like a perpetual mobile machine. So I'm doing what I've always done: I write. and I let her go. and all the while I cannot say "rest in peace", because she's not she wasn't the resting type. If I wasn't refusing the common concept of heaven I'd bet she's running around in dog heaven with her childhood friend Charlie. Come to think of it, I bet she is.

Senta, I hope you're in a nice and safe and warm and loving place, a haven of some kind, where you can run around crazily and eat and sleep and play with other dogs. And where you don't feel alone or lonely because you can still feel us. I loved you so much when you were here and I always will love you.

Goodbye,
Andie