pretending is an ending that perpetuates a lie

you forged my love just like a weapon
and you turned it against me like a knife
(jewel, goodbye alice in wonderland)

I never ever go to H&M, much less to the one in the shopping center, but once - just ONCE I go because I need a pair of sweats and black pants for work and the phone call becomes a real life encounter. I never go shopping there, they don't live in this country anymore so how the fuck did that happen? it didn't move me in a way I always thought it would, but it was so freakishly awkward. one got fat and looked at me in that weird loving-yet-accusatory way she's probably always looked at me and the other one was barely not openly hostile towards me. Maybe I'm imagining things, but dude, we were once friends, there's no need to be so cold! We should have just stopped pretending there was something and left this alone so long ago.

so goodbye alice in wonderland
goodbye yellow brick road
there is a difference between dreaming and pretending
that was not love in your eyes
it was only a reflection of my lonely mind searching
what was missing in my life