After a shower and getting dressed in the most comfortable jeans and tee shirt I could find I might finally be on the right path to feeling humanoid again. Unfortunately I'm still looking for hangover food. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in months, but hangover food is what I crave right now. stupid healthy fridge fillings...
I'm not a very traditional gal, so of course I forgot/didn't have time to post Christmas wishes actually before Christmas. But I do hope that all of you had a very lovely Christmas and enjoyed the last couple of days with whomever you spent them with :)
Here's a quick update on my Christmas which was actually very enjoyable. Finn's family - where we had dinner - was a bit on edge this year, but fortunately the situation never escalated. My family was peaceful and I really enjoyed going there after the loudness at Finn's parents'. My dad even made me my favourite cake this year and my mum decorated it - I think they haven't done that this properly in years. I absolutely loved it. I also got some really cool presents and not only money (as much as I can make use of it I hate money presents).
I had been fretting so much about my birthday, but it turned out great. We spent a comfy morning at home and then Finn took me Carrera racing. Back at home my friend C. dropped by and gave me a cookbook and stuff and a ticket to a Herman van Veen concert. Yay, cause I love Herman van Veen. And then later Finn and I made ourselves some sushi.
Right now I'm trying to catch up with all the online stuff while Finn is playing golf on the awesomest of awesome Wii that she bought for us for Christmas. I have eaten way too much candy and can still not stop ;) Tomorrow I'll go work but on Friday we're leaving for our mini-holiday. After that I will have to turn to my thesis and finally get something done. But only in the new year will I be prepared to do so.
As much as I love animals, Iggygate was ridiculous. But that has been stated enough over the course of the past two weeks.
What I do find mentionable is Scott Sorentino's take on the Iggy story on The Huffington Post. He took the time to lengthily interview Marina Baktis of Mutts and Moms and reveals the other, less Hollywood side of this - admittedly hyped - story.
it was all very weird. I touched her, big mistake. felt weird. my parents properly stroked her and said she looks like she was just sleeping, I didn't think so. I didn't see HER in that body of hers. I cried a bit, but then I started reading a dylan thomas poem out loud. and that truly saved my sanity. I was strangely way more together than either of my parents. I'm glad it's over now and that we can start to heal. I think all the buddhism "brainwashing" finn has subjected me to since we first started dating has finally gained a foothold in me. What also helped is that at the office of the crematorium the boss' dog was there. a large swiss mountain dog came waddling towards us and had immediate therapeutic effect.
And death shall have no dominion
And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.
thank you for your kind words.
at the moment I'm holding up quite well considering...
the cremation is tomorrow morning and I'm expection another rush of emotions and some realisation probably. Frankly I'm a bit scared of it, but chances are that after some extensive crying I'll be getting better come tomorrow afternoon. Having know what would happen for about three weeks I think I did most of the processing already. Now all I need is some kind of closure.
yeah and it’s
hard not to go to that
place in my head
that’ll stop me from ever leaving this room
yeah and it’s all so confusing
because i’m all worked up
because all my thoughts are tangled into one
panicked line of white noise
drown out the voices
drown out the noise
drown out the bitterness yeah that I have stored
(melissa ferrick, north carolina)
no aches.
after spending a good hour on the crosstrainer yesterday I am muscle ache free today. not that I mind, but how did that happen?
I think I only lasted that long because I found out that I can read Lippmann's "Public Opinion" while working out. I only managed to read 22 pages in that one hour, but I think that's good considering the letters keep jumping up and down if your running :)
damn, I have a weird rash on my arms... yuck! probably got to close to the stovetop this morning. seriously, that's the only thing I can think of...
the gf actually thinks it's ok to suggest I make muffins or cookies for her best friend (the one I don't even know yet), although she knows that I'm no allowed to eat sugar right now. I have nothing against her best friend, I'm actually prepared to finally meet her, but the fact that my girlfriend would make me torture myself by baking something I'd really want myself but am not allowed to taste, that just eludes my comprehension.
also there should be a relationship rule: if you need time for yourself then you FUCKING HAVE TO TAKE IT and not just be weird and distant and annoying for days on end. you could of course also act like you don't care about anything at all, that will be fine too...
ok, maybe a double-session of training wasn't such a great idea. because now I'm seriously shaking and freezing from tiredness and am bothered by pains similar to a bladder infection. maybe I did overdo it today. going to bed now.
I finished reading his dark materials two nights ago and I am STILL sad about the ending. usually a book might make me shed a couple of tears because the words get to me. yes, beautiful writing can make me cry. or i might sob a little because someone dies. in the amber spyglass no one dies (in the end i mean, people do die in between and all) but the conclusion resonated with me so much I couldn't stop sobbing. I felt so ridiculous lying in bed and bawling my eyes out but I couldn't stop for quite awhile. the cynic in me seemed to have gotten overpowered by that story. I did stop eventually though. but while a book is usually closed for me when I close it (yeah, not much of a thinker I am ;) it resurfaced throughout yesterday. his dark materials is such a great trilogy I can only recommend reading it whatever age your are (although you might only really get it once you're 12 or 13 years old I guess - or a really precocious child. and I think every person should read it, for all the wisdom it offers about love, good and evil and also the church and its ways throughout history (inquisition and all). I vote for original sin. Eve rocks. ;)
Philipp Pullman, I love you. You're a genius.
ok,end of gushing now... *runs off to buy lyra's oxford*
I really wonder about how they were making this into a movie though. it's far too complex and in this case just leaving stuff out isn't as easy as it was with lord of the rings or harry potter. most of the stuff that pullman put in there you just really need.
jordin won and i am content. another outcome would have been ridiculous, but of course while watching i had to have my doubts. no doubt that she was the best, but doubt if people would have voted according to that. I hereby bow to the american tv-viewership, for they vote much better than the austrians do.
jordin was amazing, such passion, especially in a 17 year old, and not that shrieky kind of i-want-that passion, but just simply a passion for what she wants to do. sing. and she's mighty good at it.
ah, i'm happy and content.
we came back from hamburg yesterday and vienna already sucks. we're both super-tired but can't catch enough sleep. I tried this morning but someone kept unloading empty (!!!) pallets in the street. so I gave up on sleep. finn's not feeling well but going to uni and working and I myself am having stomach probs again since we're back. I didn't exactly eat healthy in hamburg but I had virtually no problems. maybe being in vienna just sucks. maybe vienna isn't good for me. in fact it definitely isn't cuz it's too fucking hot in this city. I don't live in southern europe! if I wanted that i would have MOVED there. I don't want 30° Celsius in my everyday life. heck, i don't even like that in my holidays which is why i like to go to places like hamburg or england or scotland or scandinavia. austria is not exactly the tropics, so i'd very much appreciate it wouldn't pretend to be.
at least in the electronic department everything's fine. ipod? -check. laptop? -check.
the weather is STILL bothering me...
also we can now buy a new couch because I will be doing a couple of internships starting in august and up until may. which means that I will earn about 500 euro a month which should cover our extra expenses and make financial life a lot easier in general. also we decided we want to change our apartment - besides buying a new sofa. visiting r. in hamburg always does that to me, because her apartment is so inspiring. she does so much with it, builds her own shelves and pottery and it's all just really nice. so we decided we might want to paint our furniture white, cuz we don't mind a bit of country house style. we just have to get my mum to unclaim the furniture before we can do that (complicated's my mum's second name). finn wants to build a little sidetable that goes with the new sofa and we're looking to buy an old chest to replace our coffee table, which HAS to go cuz we can't look at it much longer. also we're thinking about painting one wall turquoise. we started the change by taking down the red curtains and putting up the blue ones. and already we feel a lot better.
I'll start planning in two days because today I have to go edit our piece and tomorrow I have the dreaded gastroscopy. I don't so much dread the procedure, I know that once they'll have put me down I won't feel a thing. but I hate that I can only have to dry white rolls in the morning and the appointment only at 3 o'clock. what doctor that does these kind of procedures is only taking patients in the afternoon??? duh!
my laptop's dvd drive is kaputt. actually it has been for a while now, but I have been delaying handing it back to acer for repair cuz they will take it away from me for probably two weeks :( and also, I hate making backups, especially if I can't just burn the dvd obviously but have to transfer everything to my ipod, then via ipod to my girlfriend's computer and then burn it from there. it just sucks. But as we're leaving for hamburg on friday, I'll get my laptop to acer tomorrow because that way there gonna be a couple of days when I won't even miss it, as I plan to be spending three lovely, computer-free days with my sweetheart eating rumballs at lange reihe and live off young herring sandwiches the rest of the time. well, I guess I won't, but I just LOVE me some of these northern german/dutch(?) matjes sandwiches. finn thinks they're gross :)
also my time has been taken up by playing the x-men legends 2 computer game these last couple of days. I suck at gaming but it's fun nonetheless and also finn's already a chapter ahead of me... yeah, we're part-time geeks.
yesterday was mother's day here, and as my mum wasn't in vienna on the weekend I got out of the pseudo-theatrical celebrations of one of the flower-industry days. we went to visit finn's parents - her mum doesn't make a big deal out of mothers day - with grandparents, barbecue and everything (we looked like balloons after all that food). afterwards we went to the shout out louds concert which left me pretty unimpressed... geeeeeez, was I bored!
i'm so tired i feel like someone has attempted to run me over with a truck. come to think of it i also LOOK like i've been run over with a truck. or a beetle or a mini at least...
not that i drank a lot of alcohol, a beer and one g&t can't exactly be considered binge drinking, i also only smoked one cigarillo. but i certainly did not get enough sleep.
it was really nice thougth reviving my singledom all-nighters WITH the gf. good to know we can have such fun together as well, going to a party, meeting some really nice people... it really felt good not being that old married couple for once but still leaving the party together.
unfortunately not being used to excessive partying anymore also means not being able to do anything the following day. we didn't get around to doing the laundry or changing the bedsheets or making bread, let alone get some work done. i wasn't even able to cook properly so i just made some pasta that tasted pretty lame. lesson learned: don't let me cook when i'm not in the mood for it. also all we did was play some online puzzle games. what. a. day.
and I'm still tired, so I'd better get something done. I still have a reportage to hand in on friday and nothing written yet. 30,000 characters. which brings me back to: uch
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