motherfuckers...

I called my uni today and they informed me that my thesis is not up to par. I can not take my oral exam in three weeks. The reasons they presented to me are ridiculous (I know that they're not rightfully failing me), apparently they are not happy with my citations (I strictly kept to the citation method of the American Psychological Association, apparently the folks here in Vienna are not aware that this is a widely recognised international citation method). I spent the first part of today on the phone to figure out a way to fight this. So far no one is behind me, the university unites firmly in support of my thesis advisor who, frankly, was an ass when I talked to him today. As was the department head of my programme, who should actually be helping me in this case.

I know that in the end I'll probably have to change some parts of my thesis in order for them to accept it. I know that I won't be able to take the exam this summer but only in November. I know that I'll have to pay another semester's tuition. They simply have more power than me in this case. I know that. But I am not going down without a fight. I will do my best to make them the most miserable I can. They shall regret having brought this upon themselves, because I shall see to it that they have so much work with this they're not gonna have time to simply take a dump. This is me when I'm angry, this is me when I fight. As Cpt. Picard would say: "Engage".

P.S.: and for now bring on the alcohol, videogames, and a lot of my work (which I suddenly like much more than yesterday) - basically what I need now is sex, drugs & rock'n'roll mixed with a bit of money-making at the paper and a good night's sleep.

somebody save me

this is a fucking nightmare.
It looks like my thesis "advisor" is out to get me/flunk me/screw with my life.
And I feel seriously helpless now.

night owl

I hate that I work best at night. It fucks up even the remotest chance of having a normal daily life. But the cold and cruel fact is that I managed to do squat all day and then read and excerpted two books in the evening/night.

now I'm tired and hungry and we made spanish rice and are going to watch last night's idol auditions "best of the rest". And we're definitely going to sleep in a little tomorrow, because it's just painstakingly stupid to get up early if you can't even get something done and end up having to stay up late anyways.

ow - fuck - ow (quoting neil gaiman here)

the thesis is beginning to take a toll on us.
it's ok that I'm a little out there already due to lack of sleep and physical exercise any kind of movement at all. but it's not ok that finn is so exhausted. She's done with most of her exams and should be recuperating now, doing stuff little by little for her last paper but having lots of free time, time for herself (time for us). Instead she has to do all these stupid household chores and look after me and the bunnies and go shopping and all that shit (and she hates shopping so I hate to have to make her go). and she has a backache. I honestly can't let things be like this for two months.

chronic, that means always and forever

Chronic \Chron"ic\, a. [L. chronicus, Gr. ? concerning time,
  from ? time: cf. F. chronique.]
2. Continuing for a long time; lingering; habitual.
(Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary)

Up to now I thought the term colon irritabile on my diagnostic report referred to the fact that right now, and only right now, my bowel was irritated. After a recent flare up I decided to look into the term and uncovered that it means I have a chronically irritated bowel, otherwise know as IBS (Irritated Bowel Syndrom) - a chronic disease. Yay. I'm so thrilled about this. Can you tell the sarcasm?

the announcement a.k.a. mind-numbingly stupid

About two weeks ago something happened, and I thought I'd save it for a success story. Unfortunately the success wasn't exactly successful as of now. Here's what went down:

Right now I should be doing an internship at Austria's lone TV station. They offered it to me back in July. I met up with the editor back then, presented myself to the editor-in-chief which went absolutely fine and was told to start in October. The secretary asks me to call back in September for the exact time at which I had to show up on October 1st. In the middle of September she tells me to come at 9 a.m. I then get a call a week later that there is a (badly enclosed) "technical problem". Apparently it was a problem that I had already worked at another department there earlier in 2007 (note: I sometimes work as a floor manager to earn some money). But they would figure it out and would I please come in the afternoon on October 1st to meet the new editor (the other one is a correspondent now), because he'd like to meet me.

We meet and it turns out they literally lost me. The leaving editor didn't tell anyone about me, the editor-in-chief couldn't remember me because he didn't have his usual assistant the day he met me. So basically no one had any clue that I was going to appear for work in October. Luckily the new guy apparently thinks it's ok to employ me but isn't sure about the exact time frame of my employment. He promises to figure it out and call me within the week. Well, he DID call me, only to tell me that I couldn't do an internship after all. The problem wasn't that I had worked in another department, but that the journalistic internship that I'd done in February is posing some "legal problem" (apparently you can't be employed twice in a year) and no, sorry, they couldn't do anything. The editor said he'd try, but I haven't heard from him since. Fuckers, right? Incompetent little assholes.

Fortunately 10 minutes after this last conversation with the TV editor, an editor from a newspaper calls me. The editor was my teacher in Uni for one semester and we got along really well. He's a geek and a Buffy-fan (if those two aren't congruent anyway) and has offered me a job before, which I unfortunately couldn't take due to previous engagements. Anyhow this time he offers me a job again. I send him all my data, and he talks to the paper's editor-in-chief who says Aye!

By now I've been left hanging for more than a week because apparently the decision is with the people who pay the money. I don't know exactly what it is about (Can they afford to fill the position? Do they want to fill the position?) - what I do know is that I still need three weeks of internship for my degree. I know that I'm really missing out on the money that was supposed to fatten what little income we have. I know I was originally counting on four months of income until the TV people fucked it up and I know that now I'm sitting here with no job, no internship and sometime soon no money. For fuck's sake, I have bills to pay! And it's not like I went after that TV internship in the first place, they frickin' OFFERED it to me. All I can do is hope and beg the universe that the job at the paper will work out after all. Editor-guy is not calling me back though (admittedly and unfortunately he's a bit undependable).

So that's the "big" announcement. Although it was originally supposed to be a positive one.

gotta stay healthy gotta stay healthy gotta stay healthy gotta stay healthy

after

- one aspirin C
- two aspro
- one ginger tea w/ lemon & honey
- 5 chinese medicine pills
- echinacea D6
- and 6 hours of bad, interrupted sleep


I still feel like shit.

I don't spend enough time with my family

apparently my computer doesn't know me any more. cookies and saved passwords all bye bye cause I haven't turned it on for *a couple* of days. I see horrible things on the horizon. the bunnies will forget me and soon will the girlfriend as well - she's easily distracted too, like bunnies. or goldfish. no wait, that's me. look! a rainbow!

arrrrrghhh!

this is crazy! now that I have a coloscopy scheduled in two weeks time it is my stomach that's killing me. it seems that stomach and belly are taking turns in torturing me. I just want this to be over at last. More than two years is more than enough.

also it's frickin hot here at work (and outside) and I don't handle heat very well... or at all.

a couch and all it entails

we bought our new couch yesterday. and because it weighs 100 kilos that entailed much pain. both from getting it up to the second floor, which is when I slipped on the stairs (ouch) which pretty much fucked up my back, AND from the fact that it meant shopping at IKEA with the gf and the in-laws. now I do like the in-laws, a lot, but I just don't like it when people try to tell me how to buy things and I end up having to argue against the cheaper cushion just because both the gf and I happen to like the one that's slightly more expensive but also more comfy. But by that point the gf is already doubting her choice because isn't there a point in buying the cheaper one? well, since we can actually afford the better one - no, there's no fucking point! I never had to argue my way through IKEA before, not even with my own parents, so I just skulked slightly ahead of the three of them, engaging only in the most necessary discussions. And then I had lactose-attack - I still can't pinpoint the dairy culprit - and people looked at me sitting at the curb like I was one hell of a junkie...

also I really wanted that tray but most obviously my opinions and decisions don't count on saturdays...

but wait, there's more...

f*** that!

I thought I was completely done with this semester, basically with all of school save my thesis and the graduand tutorial. turns out I still have to hand in a report for the studio I had this semester. 7,000 characters. by end of june which is, like, tomorrow. shoot me!

too. much. shinergy.

ok, maybe a double-session of training wasn't such a great idea. because now I'm seriously shaking and freezing from tiredness and am bothered by pains similar to a bladder infection. maybe I did overdo it today. going to bed now.

you ain't nothing but a ... tibetian dog

seriously? what dog wants to go for a walk at half past 7 in the morning? SERIOUSLY!!
obviously my gf's family's dog, which I am currently sitting does. Finn had to get to work so doggie dog came to me for walking assistance. gf was smart enough not to talk to me but just set down a cup of tea in front of me when I got back from the crisp morning air. I'm fucking tired now and not a person who can sleep during the day. booohooooo... today might suck but I'll try to make ice cream later today. pecan-caramel-ice cream that is.

I am SUCH a fuck up....

i am about to bore you horribly, sorry.

i think it's kinda unfair that i as a person who loves to cook (and eat) ends up having some medical condition in her stomach. i decided i want to find out once and for all why i always end up having gastritis so on may 23rd i'm letting them stick a tube down my throat - again. and until then i'm gonna eat healthy and only food-sin occasionally - and not make chocolate my regular diet again as i've done recently (which might explain the troubles in the first place... hmmm)

anyhow, i actually managed to transcribe everything, but i still don't know how i'm gonna write the piece... so I'm gonna go watch jericho now :) procrastination? no. habit.

welcome to crazy week

My mother's birthday yesterday? well... I have no idea how I ended up being a person that is not massively intolerant towards anything she doesn't know, because my mum IS that kind of person. (actually sometimes I wonder how I ended up being a PERSON) only classical music is relevant and everything else is "crap" (though she has not once listened to any of that "crap"), comic books are not literature (though the closest to a comic book she has ever been was buying my mickey mouse issues when I was like 10 years old) - excuse me dc, marvel, etc? like it in the dark ages?
she screams at you (well maybe not scream but she just talks loudly at a very uncomfortable pitch) if you dare to interrupt her, yet she recklessly disrupts YOUR conversation barely 10 minutes later. finn said, the only reason why she held back and didn't speak her mind about all this was cuz it was my mum's birthday. my gf is annoyed by my mother - and I completely understand. funny how my mum goes nuts while my dad becomes a calmer person every day. I even get along with him most of the time these days, he's basically awesome a lot of the time now... weird.

I have an interview to conduct today (and on thursday). and I'm really not good with interviews for print. I fare much better if there's a camera between me and that other person. geeky? maybe. anyways, we got lucky, cuz our teacher pushed the deadline - so now I have 4 days more to finish my reportage. that still means I have to do it though...

but there's - wait for it - more crazyness:
after starting a cookblog on the weekend I for now can't cook anything fancy because our syphon in the kitchen is leaking and doing the dishes is a hassle right now. so we'll be having spaghetti out of the bowl today I think.
Also my stupid dentist put four more nubs on my teeth (ouch!) and additionally to my invisalign braces I now have to wear rubber bands between my teeth. sucks majorly. as if braces at the age of 23 weren't already bad enough.

moody cookin

I feel like throwing mushrooms around.

... but I feel rather unwelcome here. so much that it's easier to fight with you than to feel superfluous.

I sing the body electric

I've been meaning to blog for a while now, but somehow I haven't gotten around to it with all that's going on. and I probably shouldn't be blogging right now, to not relieve the tension, not to let the rubber band snap. but as a matter of fact I feel like a friggin rubber band about to snap, damnit I even want to snap. There's too much going on right now, plus too little sleep. and feeling like a failure career-wise doesn't help either. Not that I'm bad at what I do, not at all. I could be a good journalist, I can actually write quite well, way above average I guess. But there's this question that keeps tormenting me, whether I wouldn't have been much better off in film school. I think I would. and I still don't know why I didn't go. and my guesses at that I don't really plan to develop into theories or I'm afraid I'll go mad.



so I have this crappy AC to go to tomorrow and I really have seen better times brainwise. Also... not such a good feeling about tomorrow.



Other, much better, news is that I really like paul mccrane (I also kinda always liked his character on E.R. although romano was a fucking homophobe... still). just look at how he's changed - and not at all at the same time: